I think the winner comes from a man I know (not my partner, thankfully), who said the following about why he never helped cook: “Well, MY time is valuable.” Really cuts to the chase, right?.
*Makes chore chart*
“I didn’t do it because you didn’t remind me of what was on the chore chart”
GET IN THE BIN YOU ABSOLUTE CHILD
*dw guys this guy is looong gone from my life and I have never known such peace.
You know…since he now has me.
I laughed in his face for several minutes. Told him to call, apologise profusely and beg for her back. Ended it with him as he wanted a mother not a lover.
Although ‘the mental load’ has become a trendy buzzword on the Internet, it’s still useful to know what the exact definition is. “The mental load is the decision-making, planning, and organizing that goes into keeping our lives together,” life coach and educator Laura Danger told Bored Panda in an earlier interview.
“For example, if you’re planning a meal for your family, you have to consider your family’s food preferences, allergies, schedules, dietary restrictions and needs, and so much more. The mental load is making sure all of the boxes are checked off and also that each task interacts just the right way with all of the other tasks. Our lives are like big machines, and it takes mental labor to fit all of the gears together,” Danger explained.
Essentially anything he didn’t want to do I had to do because he had more friends than I did. None of his friends last more than a couple years though.
“I can’t do dishes because my ex used to nag me about it and every time I’m doing dishes, I just hear her voice nagging me.”
“I figured you’d want me to sleep since I worked all week.” (After sleeping until 11 AM on a day we were moving.)
“I can’t tell which clothes go to which kid, and that’s why I didn’t fold the laundry and put it away.” (The kids were 6 years old and 6 months old. They didn’t wear the same size.) .
The statistics show that women tend to take on more of the mental load than men in families. “Even the most progressive partnerships slip into this dynamic,” Danger told Bored Panda back then. “The social messaging that men should define themselves through work and women should define themselves through care and domestic labor is loud!”
“Domestic labor is feminized labor. Housework is seen as women’s work, so women are taught to do it, encouraged to do it well, and are judged on it. Even if you’re not explicitly taught that your job is to do housework, the messaging is loud and clear in media and in so many other aspects of our culture that women are innately better at housework. It’s simply not true. Domestic work is skilled work. Gender has nothing to do with how well someone does it. It’s learned.”
……..yep.
I’ll start this off by saying my husband is a totally equal partner. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, and looks after our child without issue 99.9% of the time. But he bears the brunt of childcare for our daughter during the summer when she’s not in camp because he has many days off during my work week.
He was really burnt out back when she was 4 and tried to tell me in a fit of frustration that childcare is easier for me because women are genetically programmed to be patient with children.
When I tell you I laughed in his face and told him to go f**k himself, I am not exaggerating. He later apologized and remains a great dad and husband dispute this one lapse in sanity.
And don’t think I ever miss an opportunity to (jokingly) tell him he’s genetically programmed to move furniture, carry the shopping bags, mow the lawn, bbq, and maintain our cars.
Alas, there are ways that partners can try to resolve this issue. Danger told us that communication is key in situations like this. “Assume positive intent. You’re in a partnership because you love one another and want to show up for one another. Imbalanced partnerships fall into a trap of one person carrying more of the mental load than the other, and you end up with one person over-burdened and the other left out.”
So what can couples do? “You can start with the positives,” Laura suggested. “If you two start taking the household and mental load seriously, you’re both going to feel more empowered to make decisions that align with your needs. You’re both going to feel more heard. You’re both going to feel valued and connected.”
Nevermind that they got dirty cooking a dinner that HE always greedily ate. It took me way too long to finally say, “If you want any part of this dinner that I am about to make, then you’re going to clean this pot and that pan after. Agree now or I’m adding onions.” (He refused to eat anything with onions in it.) It worked briefly. I broke up w/ him not long after that for many reasons too numerous to list here.
I once asked my husband if he wanted to use a project managing/task app to help us keep track of and divvy up chores. I worked in project management so l knew lots of ways to set that up.
He declined because he “didn’t want to feel like he worked for me.” Because me instead having to actively project manage all our household tasks somehow doesn’t already give him that feeling. 🙄.
The first Christmas we were living together, his mom was coming to stay with us. He asked what I got her? What?? I hardly know her and she’s made it clear she doesn’t like me very much??? But you’re so good at gift giving!!! Yeah, for people I like!!! Christmas Eve, he’s still thinking I sorted it out, color him shocked when I said no and he had to go out 30min before stores closed to get her something 😂😂.
“If you’re dealing with imbalance, you’re likely in what I call the ‘Nag Paradox,’ where one person giving directions or soliciting support ends up feeling like criticism to the other. Then that person acts defensively, and you ping-pong yourselves into resentment.” Danger said that partners who want to work through this argument should make clear agreements on who does what.
Edited to add: his mother said this was a lie. He had a job and school at 15. He changed the occasional diaper.
“I can’t tell boss I can’t work late! It would look bad!/There was no one else who could stay late because they have kids!” Mister, **you** have kids too and it’s **your** night to take care of the kids and dinner. **You** wanted an employed outside wife. That means **you** make sacrifices “how it will look”/hunting trips to make that happen. .
Anyway I have a countertop dishwasher and a wastebasket that never seems to be too far away, now.
“Well, my dad never changed a diaper, I don’t see why I should!” Yeah, and you been in counseling for not having a good relationship with your dad, but now he’s your role model?.
“I don’t know where it goes.” When asked to put some kitchen things away.
You are the one who regularly uses them. What location would to go to GET it? Well, that would be where you put it back.
It was a brain fart moment. I think he regretted it as he heard himself say it.
and he was completely serious
I know sexuality is not a choice because I WISH I were a lesbian.
“Women are natural carers”
“I work full-time and you’re only part time”
“You’re just better at it”
Yeah he’s my ex now.
I had an ex who told me that he didn’t notice when things weren’t clean, but if I told him to clean it then he would. I told him that no one tells me what to clean, he isn’t vision impaired, and I am not his mother.
My ex would say he doesn’t have to help w chores because even though we both worked 40 hrs a week, I “worked closer to home” so therefore I had more time and should do the majority of them.
My ex. He couldn’t help fold towels because he ‘didn’t know which were medium and which were large’.
He couldn’t do the food shop because he’d ‘get it wrong’ but I also had to time when to ask him, make sure it wasn’t during drinking time, or when he was too hungover, since I didn’t drive. He wouldn’t wait for too long so he’d say I’d have to get the important stuff and could get the rest ‘later’ which is a magical time that never came. And I’d be expected to make meals out what I’d managed to grab in the 20 mins he was ok to be at the shop. I once tried to walk to the shop in 30+ degree heat and a mutual friend drove past me and gave me a lift. He was embarrassed because they asked why he hadn’t taken me.
I could never have leftovers because he’d thought they were for him and dealing with his bad mood over it was worse than letting him eat whatever he wanted. So I’d make the meal, tidy up after it, box up leftovers, and put them in the fridge.
If I ate them, he would tell me he had wanted it. If I didn’t eat it and it went bad, it was my fault I didn’t remind him to eat it. If I had a sandwich and left him the leftovers, he would have wanted the sandwich and I ruined it for him.
It got to the point I didn’t even pick something to watch when he was out. Because I’d have to hear every thought that entered his head about what I watched when he got in and saw it on TV. If it was a movie he hadn’t seen ‘he couldn’t watch it now’ if it was something I alone enjoyed he’d ask why I’d watch such awful things and ask how I could enjoy it while poking fun at it.
When I’d asked him to do a task, it went undone for months, then he was ‘about to do that’ when I did it.
He ‘didn’t see dirt’. Or he didn’t deem it dirty, therefore cleaning wasn’t required. One day he said ‘it needs mopped in here.’ I said ‘are you going to mop?’ He literally laughed in my face.
The week after I left him, he asked me how to work the washing machine because his clothes were stiff.
The week after that I got a text meant to make me feel really sorry for him. He said ‘I’m moving, you’re so much better at packing than I am, I’ll end up with just a spoon and a mug’.
I wrote back ‘at least you can have a cup of tea’. That was the last time I spoke to him.
“We just have different thresholds for this stuff” “I just don’t think of this kind of stuff like you do”. Blah blah blah blah blah.
His explanation for why he was unable to take his dosh to the sink, “My mother would NEVER host dinner and then expect everyone to pit their own dish in the sink when they were done!”
I asked if he was referring to her hosting guests or her expectations for literal children.
Of course, whenever he cooked I was expected to do the dishes/clean up the mess because “He cooked.”, but that never seemed to apply to him.
I can’t do the dishes because you’re not happy with the way I do it. (without soap, leaving bits of food on them)
I can’t clean because you’re not happy with the way I do it (just generalizing from the dishes here, but it’s not really true – cleaning badly is better than no cleaning imo)
I can’t cook because we have no food.
I can’t buy food because no one’s made a list.
I can’t …. realizes he can in fact make a list. Doesn’t.
Someone else’s ex proudly declared he couldn’t even boil an egg. I asked him if it was a mental thing or a physical thing that stopped him. Oooo… touched on his “manliness”. LOL.
Him: I’m out of clean [insert clothing item here]
Me:
Him: why didn’t you do laundry?
Me: why didn’t you? I don’t inventory your closet or dresser
Him: you should have known!
Commence him doing a load, usually one outfit.
He never washed any clothes but his own, and he would claim he didn’t know when I needed the machine. Sundays. I always did the entire household’s laundry on Sunday.
We’re divorced now.
“You want me to clean up after the dinner that you cooked for us? But I picked up a package for you earlier this week” (from the package room, in our building lobby, which he only went to because he thought the package was for him)
Another time, I left town for a work trip on a Tuesday. We were out of paper towels. Came home on Sunday night and he still hadn’t bought paper towels. His excuse? One of our friends stayed with us for a night that week and had used the last paper towel, so he was waiting on the friend to buy us more. (?????) He also hadn’t touched the dirty sheets or towels that the friend left…
This is just a roommate, not a partner, but definitely makes me very wary of cohabitation with a man!.
*When is (event) happening?* Verbally tell him. *I forgot, when is (event) is happening?* Tell him and write it on the calendar in the kitchen. *Did you ever find out when (event) is happening?* Tell him, show him the calendar in the kitchen, send him an email. *Hey! You never let me know when (event) is happening.* Ragefully tell him AGAIN, point angrily at the calendar AGAIN, pull up the email and show him, then ask do I need to write it on a piece of construction paper and tape it to your computer screen? *What’s your problem? I just asked….*.
My husband once said (in the early days of our marriage) that he didn’t clean or do laundry or do dishes because he didn’t want to mess with **my** systems.
You can believe my response was swift and brutal – “I only have systems because I’m the only one doing anything!”
Oh and one time he got annoyed with me for suggesting he do a load of laundry – “but you’ve never shown me how to use the washing machine!”
I mean imagine considering yourself a smart man and never once recognising that learning a new task as an adult is your own responsibility… I swear.
Not a partner, but I had a male friend visit from out of town several years ago, and a group of all our mutual friends came to my place for dinner.
My friend said he couldn’t help with cleanup because he was feeling sick from the dinner, having some kind of reaction. Friends and I said okay, and cleaned up. (I will say this friend group was like 75% male!)
Then my friend woke up early the next day, and ate all of the leftovers. 🙄
We didn’t stay in touch after that trip.
“If you wanted me to do it all you needed to do was ask.”
“I forgot about it.”
“It’s late I’ll get it in the morning.” [Refer to previous excuse the next day.]
“I’m just don’t feel like doing it.”.
My ex: “You do it better anyway.” Especially with infant/toddler caring things like diapers.
But, wow, did he pipe in if I cooked something the wrong way and he didn’t like it. He’d lecture me on whether or not to put salt in boiling water for pasta. And yet, when I asked him to cook, it was too big of a chore. ‘You’re better at it.’
Good effing riddance.
I have never met a man that didn’t have “acquired helplessness” other than my dad. It’s so manipulative!.
My industrial engineer husband couldn’t turn on the dishwasher because he ‘didn’t know how it worked’.
I didn’t know what to do because you didn’t tell me.
*tells him*
I don’t remember very well. Write it down.
*writes it down*
I lost that. Email me a list so I can add it to my digital to-dos.
*emails*
My email is crazy lately. Just text me.
*texts*
Call me when you’re texting something important.
*calls*
You can’t just tell me things, I’ll forget. Please write it down.
!!
🙃😪.
My friends husband said this a while ago: “if I do it more often, you’re going to start expecting me to do it”.
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?.
Not a partner, but a roommate once told me that he didn’t vacuum because he didn’t understand how to remove the wet-dry vacuum attachment. The kind you literally pull off. Same guy looked at the dish rack & said he didn’t understand my system (just put the dishes in).
Ex never claimed ignorance or (gods forbid) that I was more capable. But he’d make such a scene in actually doing anything I asked of him that it was less stressful for me to just take it all on myself.
*Makes chore chart*
"I didn't do it because you didn't remind me of what was on the chore chart"
GET IN THE BIN YOU ABSOLUTE CHILD
*dw guys this guy is looong gone from my life and I have never known such peace.
You know…since he now has me.
I laughed in his face for several minutes. Told him to call, apologise profusely and beg for her back. Ended it with him as he wanted a mother not a lover.
Although 'the mental load' has become a trendy buzzword on the Internet, it's still useful to know what the exact definition is. "The mental load is the decision-making, planning, and organizing that goes into keeping our lives together," life coach and educator Laura Danger told Bored Panda in an earlier interview.
"For example, if you're planning a meal for your family, you have to consider your family's food preferences, allergies, schedules, dietary restrictions and needs, and so much more. The mental load is making sure all of the boxes are checked off and also that each task interacts just the right way with all of the other tasks. Our lives are like big machines, and it takes mental labor to fit all of the gears together," Danger explained.
Essentially anything he didn't want to do I had to do because he had more friends than I did. None of his friends last more than a couple years though.
"I can't do dishes because my ex used to nag me about it and every time I'm doing dishes, I just hear her voice nagging me."
"I figured you'd want me to sleep since I worked all week." (After sleeping until 11 AM on a day we were moving.)
"I can't tell which clothes go to which kid, and that's why I didn't fold the laundry and put it away." (The kids were 6 years old and 6 months old. They didn't wear the same size.) .
The statistics show that women tend to take on more of the mental load than men in families. "Even the most progressive partnerships slip into this dynamic," Danger told Bored Panda back then. "The social messaging that men should define themselves through work and women should define themselves through care and domestic labor is loud!"
"Domestic labor is feminized labor. Housework is seen as women's work, so women are taught to do it, encouraged to do it well, and are judged on it. Even if you're not explicitly taught that your job is to do housework, the messaging is loud and clear in media and in so many other aspects of our culture that women are innately better at housework. It's simply not true. Domestic work is skilled work. Gender has nothing to do with how well someone does it. It's learned."
........yep.
I’ll start this off by saying my husband is a totally equal partner. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, and looks after our child without issue 99.9% of the time. But he bears the brunt of childcare for our daughter during the summer when she’s not in camp because he has many days off during my work week.
He was really burnt out back when she was 4 and tried to tell me in a fit of frustration that childcare is easier for me because women are genetically programmed to be patient with children.
When I tell you I laughed in his face and told him to go f**k himself, I am not exaggerating. He later apologized and remains a great dad and husband dispute this one lapse in sanity.
And don’t think I ever miss an opportunity to (jokingly) tell him he’s genetically programmed to move furniture, carry the shopping bags, mow the lawn, bbq, and maintain our cars.
Alas, there are ways that partners can try to resolve this issue. Danger told us that communication is key in situations like this. "Assume positive intent. You're in a partnership because you love one another and want to show up for one another. Imbalanced partnerships fall into a trap of one person carrying more of the mental load than the other, and you end up with one person over-burdened and the other left out."
So what can couples do? "You can start with the positives," Laura suggested. "If you two start taking the household and mental load seriously, you're both going to feel more empowered to make decisions that align with your needs. You're both going to feel more heard. You're both going to feel valued and connected."
Nevermind that they got dirty cooking a dinner that HE always greedily ate. It took me way too long to finally say, “If you want any part of this dinner that I am about to make, then you’re going to clean this pot and that pan after. Agree now or I’m adding onions.” (He refused to eat anything with onions in it.) It worked briefly. I broke up w/ him not long after that for many reasons too numerous to list here.
I once asked my husband if he wanted to use a project managing/task app to help us keep track of and divvy up chores. I worked in project management so l knew lots of ways to set that up.
He declined because he “didn’t want to feel like he worked for me.” Because me instead having to actively project manage all our household tasks somehow doesn’t already give him that feeling. 🙄.
The first Christmas we were living together, his mom was coming to stay with us. He asked what I got her? What?? I hardly know her and she’s made it clear she doesn’t like me very much??? But you’re so good at gift giving!!! Yeah, for people I like!!! Christmas Eve, he’s still thinking I sorted it out, color him shocked when I said no and he had to go out 30min before stores closed to get her something 😂😂.
"If you're dealing with imbalance, you're likely in what I call the 'Nag Paradox,' where one person giving directions or soliciting support ends up feeling like criticism to the other. Then that person acts defensively, and you ping-pong yourselves into resentment." Danger said that partners who want to work through this argument should make clear agreements on who does what.
Edited to add: his mother said this was a lie. He had a job and school at 15. He changed the occasional diaper.
"I can't tell boss I can't work late! It would look bad!/There was no one else who could stay late because they have kids!" Mister, **you** have kids too and it's **your** night to take care of the kids and dinner. **You** wanted an employed outside wife. That means **you** make sacrifices "how it will look"/hunting trips to make that happen. .
Anyway I have a countertop dishwasher and a wastebasket that never seems to be too far away, now.
“Well, my dad never changed a diaper, I don’t see why I should!” Yeah, and you been in counseling for not having a good relationship with your dad, but now he’s your role model?.
"I don't know where it goes." When asked to put some kitchen things away.
You are the one who regularly uses them. What location would to go to GET it? Well, that would be where you put it back.
It was a brain fart moment. I think he regretted it as he heard himself say it.
and he was completely serious
I know sexuality is not a choice because I WISH I were a lesbian.
"Women are natural carers"
"I work full-time and you're only part time"
"You're just better at it"
Yeah he's my ex now.
I had an ex who told me that he didn’t notice when things weren’t clean, but if I told him to clean it then he would. I told him that no one tells me what to clean, he isn’t vision impaired, and I am not his mother.
My ex would say he doesn’t have to help w chores because even though we both worked 40 hrs a week, I “worked closer to home” so therefore I had more time and should do the majority of them.
My ex. He couldn't help fold towels because he 'didn't know which were medium and which were large'.
He couldn't do the food shop because he'd 'get it wrong' but I also had to time when to ask him, make sure it wasn't during drinking time, or when he was too hungover, since I didn't drive. He wouldn't wait for too long so he'd say I'd have to get the important stuff and could get the rest 'later' which is a magical time that never came. And I'd be expected to make meals out what I'd managed to grab in the 20 mins he was ok to be at the shop. I once tried to walk to the shop in 30+ degree heat and a mutual friend drove past me and gave me a lift. He was embarrassed because they asked why he hadn't taken me.
I could never have leftovers because he'd thought they were for him and dealing with his bad mood over it was worse than letting him eat whatever he wanted. So I'd make the meal, tidy up after it, box up leftovers, and put them in the fridge.
If I ate them, he would tell me he had wanted it. If I didn't eat it and it went bad, it was my fault I didn't remind him to eat it. If I had a sandwich and left him the leftovers, he would have wanted the sandwich and I ruined it for him.
It got to the point I didn't even pick something to watch when he was out. Because I'd have to hear every thought that entered his head about what I watched when he got in and saw it on TV. If it was a movie he hadn't seen 'he couldn't watch it now' if it was something I alone enjoyed he'd ask why I'd watch such awful things and ask how I could enjoy it while poking fun at it.
When I'd asked him to do a task, it went undone for months, then he was 'about to do that' when I did it.
He 'didn't see dirt'. Or he didn't deem it dirty, therefore cleaning wasn't required. One day he said 'it needs mopped in here.' I said 'are you going to mop?' He literally laughed in my face.
The week after I left him, he asked me how to work the washing machine because his clothes were stiff.
The week after that I got a text meant to make me feel really sorry for him. He said 'I'm moving, you're so much better at packing than I am, I'll end up with just a spoon and a mug'.
I wrote back 'at least you can have a cup of tea'. That was the last time I spoke to him.
“We just have different thresholds for this stuff” “I just don’t think of this kind of stuff like you do”. Blah blah blah blah blah.
His explanation for why he was unable to take his dosh to the sink, "My mother would NEVER host dinner and then expect everyone to pit their own dish in the sink when they were done!"
I asked if he was referring to her hosting guests or her expectations for literal children.
Of course, whenever he cooked I was expected to do the dishes/clean up the mess because "He cooked.", but that never seemed to apply to him.
I can't do the dishes because you're not happy with the way I do it. (without soap, leaving bits of food on them)
I can't clean because you're not happy with the way I do it (just generalizing from the dishes here, but it's not really true - cleaning badly is better than no cleaning imo)
I can't cook because we have no food.
I can't buy food because no one's made a list.
I can't .... realizes he can in fact make a list. Doesn't.
Someone else’s ex proudly declared he couldn’t even boil an egg. I asked him if it was a mental thing or a physical thing that stopped him. Oooo… touched on his “manliness”. LOL.
Him: I'm out of clean [insert clothing item here]
Me:
Him: why didn't you do laundry?
Me: why didn't you? I don't inventory your closet or dresser
Him: you should have known!
Commence him doing a load, usually one outfit.
He never washed any clothes but his own, and he would claim he didn't know when I needed the machine. Sundays. I always did the entire household's laundry on Sunday.
We're divorced now.
“You want me to clean up after the dinner that you cooked for us? But I picked up a package for you earlier this week” (from the package room, in our building lobby, which he only went to because he thought the package was for him)
Another time, I left town for a work trip on a Tuesday. We were out of paper towels. Came home on Sunday night and he still hadn’t bought paper towels. His excuse? One of our friends stayed with us for a night that week and had used the last paper towel, so he was waiting on the friend to buy us more. (?????) He also hadn’t touched the dirty sheets or towels that the friend left…
This is just a roommate, not a partner, but definitely makes me very wary of cohabitation with a man!.
*When is (event) happening?* Verbally tell him. *I forgot, when is (event) is happening?* Tell him and write it on the calendar in the kitchen. *Did you ever find out when (event) is happening?* Tell him, show him the calendar in the kitchen, send him an email. *Hey! You never let me know when (event) is happening.* Ragefully tell him AGAIN, point angrily at the calendar AGAIN, pull up the email and show him, then ask do I need to write it on a piece of construction paper and tape it to your computer screen? *What's your problem? I just asked....*.
My husband once said (in the early days of our marriage) that he didn't clean or do laundry or do dishes because he didn't want to mess with **my** systems.
You can believe my response was swift and brutal - "I only have systems because I'm the only one doing anything!"
Oh and one time he got annoyed with me for suggesting he do a load of laundry - "but you've never shown me how to use the washing machine!"
I mean imagine considering yourself a smart man and never once recognising that learning a new task as an adult is your own responsibility... I swear.
Not a partner, but I had a male friend visit from out of town several years ago, and a group of all our mutual friends came to my place for dinner.
My friend said he couldn't help with cleanup because he was feeling sick from the dinner, having some kind of reaction. Friends and I said okay, and cleaned up. (I will say this friend group was like 75% male!)
Then my friend woke up early the next day, and ate all of the leftovers. 🙄
We didn't stay in touch after that trip.
"If you wanted me to do it all you needed to do was ask."
"I forgot about it."
"It's late I'll get it in the morning." [Refer to previous excuse the next day.]
"I'm just don't feel like doing it.".
My ex: "You do it better anyway." Especially with infant/toddler caring things like diapers.
But, wow, did he pipe in if I cooked something the wrong way and he didn't like it. He'd lecture me on whether or not to put salt in boiling water for pasta. And yet, when I asked him to cook, it was too big of a chore. 'You're better at it.'
Good effing riddance.
I have never met a man that didn’t have “acquired helplessness” other than my dad. It’s so manipulative!.
My industrial engineer husband couldn’t turn on the dishwasher because he ‘didn’t know how it worked’.
I didn't know what to do because you didn't tell me.
*tells him*
I don't remember very well. Write it down.
*writes it down*
I lost that. Email me a list so I can add it to my digital to-dos.
*emails*
My email is crazy lately. Just text me.
*texts*
Call me when you're texting something important.
*calls*
You can't just tell me things, I'll forget. Please write it down.
!!
🙃😪.
My friends husband said this a while ago: "if I do it more often, you're going to start expecting me to do it".
?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?.
Not a partner, but a roommate once told me that he didn't vacuum because he didn't understand how to remove the wet-dry vacuum attachment. The kind you literally pull off. Same guy looked at the dish rack & said he didn't understand my system (just put the dishes in).
Ex never claimed ignorance or (gods forbid) that I was more capable. But he’d make such a scene in actually doing anything I asked of him that it was less stressful for me to just take it all on myself.
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