43 Outdated Parenting Myths That Too Many People Still Take For Fact
Raising kids is a tough job. In fact, 41% of American parents say it is tiring, and 29% say it is stressful all or most of the time.
Unfortunately, the many misconceptions surrounding this challenging endeavor add even more confusion. For first-time moms and dads, listening to all the contradictory philosophies telling them what to say and what to do can be especially frustrating.
So when Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT made a post on the platform, asking people to share the parenting myths that they would like to see disappear, the replies came rushing in.
Image credits: BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT
That there’s a “right” way to parent. (Clearly, I’m not talking about things that qualify as abuse.) Breast feed? Great! Bottle feed? Great! If your baby is fed, that’s awesome. Let the baby set the schedule? Great! Worked to get your baby on a schedule that works better for you and your family? Great! If your baby is healthy and cared for, that’s awesome. And on and on. Every stage of parenting has some dichotomy of “do it this way to be a perfect parent.” Kids are all different. Families are all different. Do what works to develop an amazing human and keep your own humanness intact.
Dads are more than babysitters.
It’s been 20+ years since I was a single father, but the attitudes towards men and parenthood haven’t changed as much as they should have.
Don’t ask a dad if he is giving mom a break today.
Don’t assume dad doesn’t know how to settle down their child.
Don’t stare at dad at the park when dad is there with his kid(s).
And for god sake can businesses install a change table in the men’s washroom!
Picking up your baby too much will spoil them. Ffs… pick up a crying child and meet their needs – sometimes which is a just a need for comfort and bonding with their caretaker.
I’m sure it’s in here somewhere, but there’s a lot of evidence that corporal punishment is contraindicated in disciplining a child for a multitude of reasons. One of my friends is a PhD psychologist who researched this and even when she presents people evidence about this they just say “well I got spanked and I turned out fine” and it’s like well did you really though?
That nonverbal kids don’t understand what you say. This one is common in the autism community.
To prevent allergies, avoid giving your child these foods until they are much older…
It has been proven over and over again that exposing your child to traditionally allergy prone foods in very small amounts when they are younger drastically reduces allergy potential. Even to the point of doing so in utero ….
This destructive myth that we are OWED respect and love from our kids – NOPE! They are attached to us, yes, but love and respect are earned. Fear is not respect; guilt is not love; we chose to have kids, they had no say in the matter. It is incumbent upon us to reach them by mirroring the behaviors we value.
That you only have to put up with them for 18 years, and can kick them out as an adult. Maybe millennial parents forgot how traumatic that was. Kids today can’t survive without financial support at least.
Parents, listen up: KIDS ARE A LIFETIME COMMITMENT. YOU NEVER GET TO CUT OFF YOUR CHILD UNLESS YOUR ACTUAL LIFE DEPENDS UPON IT!!!!!
Your motherly instincts will just kick in and suddenly you’ll love the baby and be an amazing mom.
I’m sure that happens for some people. I have ASPD and have never felt that way towards the kid I gave birth to.
Throwing a cup of cold water in the face of a child who is having a tantrum will end it. My mother did it to us as children and it only ever escalated the situation. The kid is still screaming, now also scared, crying and soaked. Who TF thought this was a good idea?
You can not spoil a newborn.
Their brain is still quite underdeveloped, and actually, by refusing to answer their calls, you can give them self-regulation issues as they develop without that safety in processing new stimuli.
Edit – I guess the myth would be that you *can* spoil a newborn. Sorry if I wasn’t clear.
Second edit due to replies – I said newborn because I meant newborns. Not babies that need to be practicing lifting their head, etc. There are people who start fussing at parents about this as soon as they bring their newborn home, forgetting that this baby is experiencing everything BRAND NEW, and needs a safety system.
And also I did raise two humans, and I very much remember being a new mom.
If you give your children medication you’re a lazy parent who doesn’t want to “deal” with your child’s behaviours.
Hear this a lot in adhd circles. Truth is in most cases not medicating can do more harm than good.
Also why would knowingly force your teenager to go through severe depression, anxiety and hallucinations when you can ease all of that with medication and therapy? Some kids need medications to get by in life just like some adults do.
That a child shouldn’t be exposed to a second (or third) language until having mastered their native language. I’ve heard this so many times from people who have no idea about multilingualism.
That children don’t understand and they are just exaggerating when they say they feel sick, depressed, etc. If your child feels sick, take them to the doctor, if your child is mentally unwell, try to get them help. And I say this as a child that everyone thought was just “weird”, “too energetic” etc..
That kids throw tantrums. Nope. Kids are overwhelmed and have never learned how to process their emotions. When an adult dismisses the child as trying to be manipulative, tired , or just punishing them/giving into them does not solve the problem. Kids need to learn how to regulate their feelings, deal with disappointment, recognize when they are overwhelmed, etc. Unfortunately, most adults don’t even know how to do that and the cycle continues.
Don’t tiptoe in silence around your baby when they’re asleep.
Yeah, sure you’ll wake up them once or twice, but teaching the baby to only really sleep in absolute silence is setting yourself up for many years of problems, not to mention what it does for them (insomnia, etc.).
Same for darkness, etc.
You want your kid to be able to sleep through you having some friends over without having to all whisper to each other. Trust me.
That there is anything even remotely approaching a consensus on best practices when it comes to raising a child. I’ve only been a parent for five months and the sheer volume of confident, authoritative, and completely contradictory advice I’ve received has been staggering. As best as I can tell, just work on keeping them healthy, secure, and loved, and try to muddle your way through as best you can on rest.
ETA: Folks, if you think you’re the first to point out that everyone agrees that corporal punishment is, in fact, bad…you’re not. I’d been including “don’t beat your child” in the “keep them healthy, secure, and loved” directive, but thanks anyway.
That all parents, specifically mothers, have an instinct that will kick in eventually and your child will be your world.
Mine told me from a very early age that I wasn’t the kid she’d wanted, I was ugly, fat, whatever – I finally ended things completely this year when she told me she’s always hated me and never wanted me. I needed the closure.
She made my life hell, especially since she had two kids after me that she loves.
My daughter hasn’t ever been shouted at (by that I mean raising my voice) hurt, or made to feel like less than the wonderful person she is. I suppose I can thank my mother for showing me how not to be.
That you have to be one. So many unwanted kids because of peer pressure and fomo…
Staying together for the kids is healthy.
All it does is model unhealthy relationships for the child(ren) and they’ll grow up thinking it’s normal for spouses to hate each other, fight, yell, etc…
EDIT: Yes, thank you, I am aware that divorce is also difficult for children and not a walk in the park and that a divorce may not be financially possible for everyone. And that it’s possible to have a healthy coparenting situation in a marriage that’s broken down. What I’m talking about here is marriages that are really dysfunctional / toxic / abusive and getting a divorce is an economic option. The parents who are horribly unsuited to each other and are f*****g their kids up by convincing themselves that their own s****y relationship is somehow okay to demonstrate. Lesser of two evils.
Keep peanut products away from them until older.
Giving them smooth peanut butter when they are on solids not only adds a good source nutrition but reduces the chances peanut allergy.
Making your children hold hands (after they’ve been fighting with each other) will bring them closer together.
No, more often than not, the reality is that it will drive them further apart and precipitate resentment.
Giving drowsy medication will make sure they get a good nights sleep.
Thankfully its legally considered child abuse now. My siblings and i grew up being dependent on benedryl putting us to sleep that we can’t produce as much melatonin as we should. Now we all need supplements or crash hard after staying up for 3 days straight.
That you “own” your child as if they’re property.
Over the last five years or so, I’ve been sporadically asking people when given the opportunity if they “owned their kids”. A very surprisingly large majority of them said “Yes”.
People think their kids are property.
Edit: [Wild Humans](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=IVdPieeq8iw) for sale, but the souls will cost you extra.
A quite child is a happy child. My son’s class is filled with iPad children, and my god do they all have about as much happiness and charisma as a sack of dead puppies.
Children don’t have thoughts, feelings, or emotions of their own.
Children never grow up. They’ll be 14 (or 8 or 6 or any other not-adult age) for the rest of their lives.
Children exist to serve the parents hand and foot.
Children are furniture, objects designed to make the parents look better.
ETA: Sounds like I have more than a few metaphorical lost siblings out there. I know I’m just a stranger whinging on the internet, but remember that you matter. You matter to your friends, you matter to your pets, you matter to the people who have chosen to share their lives with you. You’re stronger than you think you are.
Stranger danger. Much more likely to get taken/hurt/assaulted by a family member or friend.
That being cold will result in you getting a cold. My partner is 50 years old and still thinks that if she gets cold in the winter, she’ll develop a cold.
Menstrual cycles synching up when there are multiple women living together.
They don’t. There’s just a wide period of time between start and finish for them to eventually overlap, along with lack of proper observation and research which leads to too many personal anecdotes and not enough concrete evidence.
There’s been a few scientific studies done with a wide array of women at different points in their cycles, with varied hormonal conditions and multiple intervals of time and there wasn’t a single “sync” observed.
That the kid “talking and behaving like an adult” is a sign of good parenting. Hell no, I’d get child services involved because 99 percent of the time he’s being abused mentally and physically.
[ad_2]
Raising kids is a tough job. In fact, 41% of American parents say it is tiring, and 29% say it is stressful all or most of the time.
Unfortunately, the many misconceptions surrounding this challenging endeavor add even more confusion. For first-time moms and dads, listening to all the contradictory philosophies telling them what to say and what to do can be especially frustrating.
So when Reddit user BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT made a post on the platform, asking people to share the parenting myths that they would like to see disappear, the replies came rushing in.
Image credits: BITE_AU_CHOCOLAT
That there's a "right" way to parent. (Clearly, I'm not talking about things that qualify as abuse.) Breast feed? Great! Bottle feed? Great! If your baby is fed, that's awesome. Let the baby set the schedule? Great! Worked to get your baby on a schedule that works better for you and your family? Great! If your baby is healthy and cared for, that's awesome. And on and on. Every stage of parenting has some dichotomy of "do it this way to be a perfect parent." Kids are all different. Families are all different. Do what works to develop an amazing human and keep your own humanness intact.
Dads are more than babysitters.
It's been 20+ years since I was a single father, but the attitudes towards men and parenthood haven't changed as much as they should have.
Don't ask a dad if he is giving mom a break today.
Don't assume dad doesn't know how to settle down their child.
Don't stare at dad at the park when dad is there with his kid(s).
And for god sake can businesses install a change table in the men's washroom!
Picking up your baby too much will spoil them. Ffs… pick up a crying child and meet their needs - sometimes which is a just a need for comfort and bonding with their caretaker.
I'm sure it's in here somewhere, but there's a lot of evidence that corporal punishment is contraindicated in disciplining a child for a multitude of reasons. One of my friends is a PhD psychologist who researched this and even when she presents people evidence about this they just say "well I got spanked and I turned out fine" and it's like well did you really though?
That nonverbal kids don’t understand what you say. This one is common in the autism community.
To prevent allergies, avoid giving your child these foods until they are much older…
It has been proven over and over again that exposing your child to traditionally allergy prone foods in very small amounts when they are younger drastically reduces allergy potential. Even to the point of doing so in utero ….
This destructive myth that we are OWED respect and love from our kids - NOPE! They are attached to us, yes, but love and respect are earned. Fear is not respect; guilt is not love; we chose to have kids, they had no say in the matter. It is incumbent upon us to reach them by mirroring the behaviors we value.
That you only have to put up with them for 18 years, and can kick them out as an adult. Maybe millennial parents forgot how traumatic that was. Kids today can't survive without financial support at least.
Parents, listen up: KIDS ARE A LIFETIME COMMITMENT. YOU NEVER GET TO CUT OFF YOUR CHILD UNLESS YOUR ACTUAL LIFE DEPENDS UPON IT!!!!!
Your motherly instincts will just kick in and suddenly you'll love the baby and be an amazing mom.
I'm sure that happens for some people. I have ASPD and have never felt that way towards the kid I gave birth to.
Throwing a cup of cold water in the face of a child who is having a tantrum will end it. My mother did it to us as children and it only ever escalated the situation. The kid is still screaming, now also scared, crying and soaked. Who TF thought this was a good idea?
You can not spoil a newborn.
Their brain is still quite underdeveloped, and actually, by refusing to answer their calls, you can give them self-regulation issues as they develop without that safety in processing new stimuli.
Edit - I guess the myth would be that you *can* spoil a newborn. Sorry if I wasn't clear.
Second edit due to replies - I said newborn because I meant newborns. Not babies that need to be practicing lifting their head, etc. There are people who start fussing at parents about this as soon as they bring their newborn home, forgetting that this baby is experiencing everything BRAND NEW, and needs a safety system.
And also I did raise two humans, and I very much remember being a new mom.
If you give your children medication you're a lazy parent who doesn't want to "deal" with your child's behaviours.
Hear this a lot in adhd circles. Truth is in most cases not medicating can do more harm than good.
Also why would knowingly force your teenager to go through severe depression, anxiety and hallucinations when you can ease all of that with medication and therapy? Some kids need medications to get by in life just like some adults do.
That a child shouldn’t be exposed to a second (or third) language until having mastered their native language. I’ve heard this so many times from people who have no idea about multilingualism.
That children don't understand and they are just exaggerating when they say they feel sick, depressed, etc. If your child feels sick, take them to the doctor, if your child is mentally unwell, try to get them help. And I say this as a child that everyone thought was just "weird", "too energetic" etc..
That kids throw tantrums. Nope. Kids are overwhelmed and have never learned how to process their emotions. When an adult dismisses the child as trying to be manipulative, tired , or just punishing them/giving into them does not solve the problem. Kids need to learn how to regulate their feelings, deal with disappointment, recognize when they are overwhelmed, etc. Unfortunately, most adults don't even know how to do that and the cycle continues.
Don't tiptoe in silence around your baby when they're asleep.
Yeah, sure you'll wake up them once or twice, but teaching the baby to only really sleep in absolute silence is setting yourself up for many years of problems, not to mention what it does for them (insomnia, etc.).
Same for darkness, etc.
You want your kid to be able to sleep through you having some friends over without having to all whisper to each other. Trust me.
That there is anything even remotely approaching a consensus on best practices when it comes to raising a child. I've only been a parent for five months and the sheer volume of confident, authoritative, and completely contradictory advice I've received has been staggering. As best as I can tell, just work on keeping them healthy, secure, and loved, and try to muddle your way through as best you can on rest.
ETA: Folks, if you think you're the first to point out that everyone agrees that corporal punishment is, in fact, bad...you're not. I'd been including "don't beat your child" in the "keep them healthy, secure, and loved" directive, but thanks anyway.
That all parents, specifically mothers, have an instinct that will kick in eventually and your child will be your world.
Mine told me from a very early age that I wasn't the kid she'd wanted, I was ugly, fat, whatever - I finally ended things completely this year when she told me she's always hated me and never wanted me. I needed the closure.
She made my life hell, especially since she had two kids after me that she loves.
My daughter hasn't ever been shouted at (by that I mean raising my voice) hurt, or made to feel like less than the wonderful person she is. I suppose I can thank my mother for showing me how not to be.
That you have to be one. So many unwanted kids because of peer pressure and fomo...
Staying together for the kids is healthy.
All it does is model unhealthy relationships for the child(ren) and they'll grow up thinking it's normal for spouses to hate each other, fight, yell, etc...
EDIT: Yes, thank you, I am aware that divorce is also difficult for children and not a walk in the park and that a divorce may not be financially possible for everyone. And that it's possible to have a healthy coparenting situation in a marriage that's broken down. What I'm talking about here is marriages that are really dysfunctional / toxic / abusive and getting a divorce is an economic option. The parents who are horribly unsuited to each other and are f*****g their kids up by convincing themselves that their own s****y relationship is somehow okay to demonstrate. Lesser of two evils.
Keep peanut products away from them until older.
Giving them smooth peanut butter when they are on solids not only adds a good source nutrition but reduces the chances peanut allergy.
Making your children hold hands (after they've been fighting with each other) will bring them closer together.
No, more often than not, the reality is that it will drive them further apart and precipitate resentment.
Giving drowsy medication will make sure they get a good nights sleep.
Thankfully its legally considered child abuse now. My siblings and i grew up being dependent on benedryl putting us to sleep that we can’t produce as much melatonin as we should. Now we all need supplements or crash hard after staying up for 3 days straight.
That you "own" your child as if they're property.
Over the last five years or so, I've been sporadically asking people when given the opportunity if they "owned their kids". A very surprisingly large majority of them said "Yes".
People think their kids are property.
Edit: [Wild Humans](https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=IVdPieeq8iw) for sale, but the souls will cost you extra.
A quite child is a happy child. My son's class is filled with iPad children, and my god do they all have about as much happiness and charisma as a sack of dead puppies.
Children don't have thoughts, feelings, or emotions of their own.
Children never grow up. They'll be 14 (or 8 or 6 or any other not-adult age) for the rest of their lives.
Children exist to serve the parents hand and foot.
Children are furniture, objects designed to make the parents look better.
ETA: Sounds like I have more than a few metaphorical lost siblings out there. I know I'm just a stranger whinging on the internet, but remember that you matter. You matter to your friends, you matter to your pets, you matter to the people who have chosen to share their lives with you. You're stronger than you think you are.
Stranger danger. Much more likely to get taken/hurt/assaulted by a family member or friend.
That being cold will result in you getting a cold. My partner is 50 years old and still thinks that if she gets cold in the winter, she'll develop a cold.
Menstrual cycles synching up when there are multiple women living together.
They don't. There's just a wide period of time between start and finish for them to eventually overlap, along with lack of proper observation and research which leads to too many personal anecdotes and not enough concrete evidence.
There's been a few scientific studies done with a wide array of women at different points in their cycles, with varied hormonal conditions and multiple intervals of time and there wasn't a single "sync" observed.
That the kid "talking and behaving like an adult" is a sign of good parenting. Hell no, I'd get child services involved because 99 percent of the time he's being abused mentally and physically.
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