Remembering the Godawful Star Wars Action Figures of Yesteryear
![Image for article titled Remembering the Godawful Star Wars Action Figures of Yesteryear](https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_80,pg_1,q_80,w_80/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 80w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_140/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 140w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_265/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 265w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_340/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 340w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_490/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 490w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_645/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 645w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_740/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 740w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_965/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 965w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1165/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 1165w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1315/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 1315w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1465/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 1465w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1600/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 1600w)
As I’ve mentioned, Hasbro did pretty well sculpting figures of Star Wars’ various aliens and droids. And if you look at pictures of Bith aliens, who show up most prominently as the cantina band in A New Hope, this is a fairly accurate sculpt of the aliens as seen in the movie. So why is this figure’s face so upsetting to look at? Part of it, surely, is that the head is molded in plastic much pinker and rosier than the tanner, more alien-pigmented aliens of the film. Also, there’s no painting texture on the folds of the face, which gives it a plastic-y uniformity. Then, there’s the undeniable pucker on the lips—sculpted so the band member can hold one of a variety of musical instruments to his mouth, but that looks positive obscene sans those instruments. Face it: this guy looks like the galaxy’s most upsetting Fleshlight, and let us speak no more of it.
![Image for article titled Remembering the Godawful Star Wars Action Figures of Yesteryear](https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fill,f_auto,fl_progressive,g_center,h_80,pg_1,q_80,w_80/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 80w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_140/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 140w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_265/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 265w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_340/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 340w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_490/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 490w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_645/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 645w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_740/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 740w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_965/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 965w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1165/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 1165w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1315/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 1315w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1465/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 1465w, https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/c_fit,f_auto,g_center,pg_1,q_60,w_1600/86514347680d965a00c3ea38e46c027d.jpg 1600w)
As I’ve mentioned, Hasbro did pretty well sculpting figures of Star Wars’ various aliens and droids. And if you look at pictures of Bith aliens, who show up most prominently as the cantina band in A New Hope, this is a fairly accurate sculpt of the aliens as seen in the movie. So why is this figure’s face so upsetting to look at? Part of it, surely, is that the head is molded in plastic much pinker and rosier than the tanner, more alien-pigmented aliens of the film. Also, there’s no painting texture on the folds of the face, which gives it a plastic-y uniformity. Then, there’s the undeniable pucker on the lips—sculpted so the band member can hold one of a variety of musical instruments to his mouth, but that looks positive obscene sans those instruments. Face it: this guy looks like the galaxy’s most upsetting Fleshlight, and let us speak no more of it.