Someone Asks Childfree People Over 40 How They Feel About Not Having Kids, Gets 48 Honest Answers
Deciding whether or not to have children is one of life’s biggest decisions. And rightly so, because such a seemingly small addition to the family changes a lot. Suddenly, your identity switches to that of a parent, your responsibilities multiply, and you find out the hard way that babies don’t have kneecaps.
Not wanting such a life for themselves, some people decide not to have children at all. And that’s fine, too. Others are just curious about what their day-to-day looks like without little ones running around all the time.
One of them was redditor NetworkOver7742, who was so intrigued that they even started an online discussion about it. And childless couples had a lot to say, with almost 4K of them sharing their experiences. Below, you’ll find the most popular ones that will give you an insightful look into what it’s really like to not have children.
Image credits: NetworkOver7742
My wife and I decided not to have children.
We go out for dinner a lot.
If we had kids I think we’d be divorced. We have overcome a lot and it took 100% of ourselves at times to accomplish. If we had also been parents at the time I don’t think we would have made it.
Zero regrets. Travel, fun, work, friends, fun hobbies, lots of money I didn’t have to spend on kids. And to those who say who’s going to take care of you when you’re old: I find it disgusting that you had kids expecting them to waste their lives taking care of you.
There are many reasons why people voluntarily choose not to have babies of their own. An article by The Upshot revealed that the main ones were the need for more free time, finding a partner, and not being able to afford childcare. Some couples don’t have the desire to have kids at all and would rather focus on their careers and spend time traveling.
There’s also a feeling of discomfort about bringing kids into a potentially crumbling environment. Children (i.e. more people) require resources and create pollution and waste. People who are aware of this are choosing not to add to the environmental impact.
My partner and I have the freedom and the life we wanted. We can travel whenever we want, save money, sleep in, have late nights out. Parenting was never something either of us wanted and looking at the state of things all over the world, we’re extremely happy with our decision.
Thank goodness we don’t have any. Life is hard as hell. We’d probably be homeless now if we had the extra financial burden of children.
Some of us don’t end up rolling on piles of money. Some of us are just celebrating that we’re not financially underwater as we would have been if kids were in the picture.
55 here. Not for a microsecond do I regret not having children.
I am happily married with a healthy, frequent sex life. (Married 25+ years, first-and-only husband.)
We’re comfortable with dual incomes. We live in a house we love in a place we love. We have time and funds for hobbies. We have great family and friends. And dogs. And cats. And horses.
Nah, I don’t regret it AT ALL.
Also, those who’ve experienced trauma, mental illnesses, or have genetic diseases would rather avoid the risk of passing any of this pain to their offspring. Individuals who lived through, for example, neglect, abuse, and abandonment don’t feel equipped to raise a child and don’t want their kids to suffer the consequences.
Maybe 10% regret, 90% not. These big life decisions generally aren’t all-or-nothing.
I have a lot of anxiety, and kids pick up 9n that. I wouldn’t want to burden a child with coping with my anxiety, on top of just learning how to be a human, which is hard enough already.
Researcher Bronwyn Harman has found that the majority of child-free people are happy they never had kids because of the freedom it gives them. It’s evident in the people’s responses, as well, that they were satisfied and didn’t regret their decision. A couple who have been together for 32 years and counting say they wouldn’t change a thing. However, one issue that they face is finding more people to meet up with, as everyone around them seems busy and tired of raising children.
I’m 42, single. I have more money for my dogs which is nice.
My mom hounded me about having kids while I was still a kid. I’ve always been child free but my mom would negate my opinions saying I’d change my mind or “who will take care of you when you’re old?” It finally got to a point where she told me I was selfish for not giving her grandchildren. It just added into my decision to go no contact with her.
So I guess that whole “who will take care of you when you get old” idea is moot.
We regret it profoundly. In retrospect we could have done it easily and well. And both of us come from varied backgrounds and know plenty of couples who have had good and bad experiences, but the bad experiences are very few while the good are considerably good. So, yeah, life mistake and too late for both of us to do anything about it.
Despite more and more couples deciding against having kids, they still feel like they have to constantly explain themselves to others. They’re often seen as selfish and are told they’ll regret their decision when they get older and find themselves alone. But child-free people think a lot about it, in some cases even more than those who have them. So, it’s completely their choice to do what they want, and they shouldn’t have to explain themselves to anyone who questions it.
I wouldn’t say regret it. I have medical conditions that make having a biological child impossible, we also met and married later in life. My husband is a few years younger than me. We have come to accept and enjoy being the “fun” auntie and uncle, but honestly sometimes it wonder if my husband regrets not having children of his own and me for not being able to give them to him, he never has said anything to make me feel that, but I can’t help but wonder
Pretty good! I’ve always known I wasn’t a mothering type and I met my partner in highschool and he had the same feelings. We’ve never changed our minds and we are going on 22 years together. We live a full life, eat out heaps, go to concerts, the theatre, holidays, we have so much freedom it’s insane. We nurture our hobbies, and sleep in a lot. All of our friends have kids and complain constantly about how hard it is, how exhausted they are and how much money it’s costing them. No regrets on our side.
Not over 40 yet, but getting there. So far, life is brilliant. We know several parents, and at least a few of them look like they have very happy lives with children. So I don’t think a life with children would have necessarily turned out miserable. But that would have been a different kind of happiness, and we are content with our own version.
The most important difference is that we are not obsessed with making more money or living at a particular standard to make our children happy. A few of our upper middle class friends send their children to private schools where annual vacations abroad are the norm for their peers. The pressure of keeping up with the Joneses to make their children happy is enormous. We know that there is nobody after us. We only need to save for a comfortable retirement. We are not trying to build trust funds for anyone. The knowledge that we are accountable for our lives alone is very liberating and we are very happy we made that choice.
I’ve always known that I’ve never wanted kids, and I’m so happy with that decision. I’ve never been the maternal type, and the amount of time, work, and money they require just seems like torture. I love being able to travel the world at a moment’s notice, and I love having time for my interests, hobbies, sleep, etc. When I talk to my friends that have kids they all seem so tired and depressed and they struggle with their loss of self.
23 year old chiming in to say it’s very relieving and validating to read all your responses. I don’t want children and never have, but I’m at that age where everyone swears I’m gonna change my mind and it’s frustrating. You’re all living proof I can, and will, be happy without children.
It is the absolute best. Last night, on a weeknight, we went out for Mexican and had a couple of cocktails. Walked home, very slightly toasted and had an amazing night. We were able to do that and so many other things because we have cats, not kids.
I am the eldest of five children, with terrible parents. Plus, most of my siblings chose to have children. I know exactly what I’m missing and I am honestly happy about it every single day. I have the utmost respect for parents because I know how hard it is – you basically go without sleep for years, you sacrifice all your money and free time, and your body (as a woman) often suffers major changes that you may not have been prepared for, some of which are permanently harmful.
It hurts like hell that I can’t have children. But I’m beginning to accept it’s for the best. Both of us have depression. I have anxiety, ADHD. I fight every day to do basics for myself. My partner does too. We should not bring a child into this world like this. So we work together to help each other and just be the best Aunt and Uncle we can. I grieve for my unborn children but I know it’s for the best.
There are times that I envy my brothers and sisters for having kids. But those quickly vanish when I see the tantrums and sass and anti- social moments from my many nephews of various ages. It took me years to learn patience to be a good dog parent. Last thing I want is to screw up another human’s life by not being a good parent.
We don’t have the “piles of money” that people joke about, but we have been fortunate. We have good jobs, a house and opportunities to travel, but debt is a b***h and homeownership can quickly put you there, like it has us. Lots of things to fix and replace, but it’s ours and we can make it better. We almost weren’t going to be able to celebrate our 10 year anniversary with a vacation were it not for the kindness and generosity of others.
All in all, I don’t regret the decision to not have kids. We are just finding other ways to make our lives fuller.
Somewhat. Had our first child mid 30’s but he passed at birth. Tried after but heart just wasn’t in it. Regret it somewhat but I do like my life the way it is and I know if we had a child it would be way different.
We’ve been together for 19 years and didn’t want children for most of that time. But, once we had achieved career success, a stable home, and exhausted our wanderlust, we changed our minds and want children. We started looking toward our older years and realized how much we value family. We don’t want to limp toward the end of life just watching our family die off one by one, grandparents, aunts/uncles, parents… without a next generation we feel life will become lonely. We’re at the tail end of the reproductive window and have struggled with infertility for 2 years. We’re hoping we can conceive, but if that doesn’t happen, we’re looking into foster parenting. We’re “too old” for private infant adoption, we’re told.
I just turned 40, but my wife is under 40 so we get partial credit I guess. For my 40th she redid one of the rooms in the new place we just moved to into my own private nerdy game room getaway. She went all out! It’s absolutely insane, and she is still waiting for a few more things to be available/delivered! So for us, at least, it’s going pretty f*****g great right now!
Our life has turned out very well. We’ve been able to travel and have several once-in-a-lifetime experiences that we would never have been able to afford otherwise, I’ve been able to focus on my career and start a business that would have been too financially risky if I had children. Neither of us have regretted being childfree for a moment.
We’re not 40 yet (we’ll be 38 this year) but we do regret not having any, and it’s not for lack of trying, believe me. I somehow just never got pregnant. It’s probably too late now, so we just have to accept the fact that we won’t have any. It’s not all bad though, as our siblings on both sides have plenty of kids, and we’re always surrounded by family.
On the plus side (if you can call it that), we do have a shitload of money and time to do what we want when we want. My husband wants to travel more and maybe get a boat and an rv when we get to our 40s, so we’ll probably do that
My husband and I turned 40 late last year. We are childless not by choice. It is by far the worst thing I have ever experienced. But we’re trying to figure out how to live with it because there’s really no alternative.
We wanted to have one child. IVF didn’t work.
We’re okay being childless. We have each other.
That’s what counts.
And we still have nieces and nephews.
Life has filled us! Although we don’t have children, we value freedom and pay attention to our relationships. No regrets, just different priorities and a lot of joy.
I wouldn’t say we regret it but I was diagnosed with breast cancer last month and this shifted our thinking about children. My husband wanted to look into pregnancy after my treatment but, unfortunately, it’s not recommended because of the meds I’ll be on for five years to prevent recurrence.
I will say that most people don’t regret having kids. They may regret not having them though. That said, kids are not for everyone. And my husband and I are probably closer and less stressed because we chose not to have them.
EXTREMELY happy.
Went back and forth on the subject for years, finally made the decision to get a vasectomy a few years ago. I’m 44, she’s 40. My work is fully remote, anywhere in the world. We have a paid off flat but spend our time traveling house and pet sitting (in other words, no mortgage or rent or hotel costs to travel). Last year we spent a month in Hawaii, two months in L.A., a few months in New Orleans, a few months in Budapest, a month on a cruise ship (the only month we actually paid to live somewhere), and hopped around the rest of the time.
If you’re debating this, PLEASE consider your own mental health over the pressure you may be feeling from family, society, etc. Kids are awesome, and you’ll obviously be happy if you have them. BUT, I can’t think of a single parent I know that’s not just exhausted all the time, complaining about never having money, and just in overall bad physical and mental health. Clearly it’s worth it for them, and there are most likely parents that aren’t always so tired/stressed, but spend as much time as possible weighing all of the things you’ll give up for that “unconditional love” feeling you always hear about.
Being child free is one of the best decisions I ever made! My life is untethered and I’m free to do whatever I want without guilt or sacrificing something.
There are a lot of people who had kids and now resent them. They won’t admit it but a lot of people wish they didn’t have kids or they regret who their co-parent is.
Childless or childfree?
Big difference!
Childfree here and zero regrets. Our time is ours and we have a strong and healthy marriage.
I have not wanted children since I was 18 and I never changed my mind. The only type of parent to be is dog mom. I got my tubes removed recently after years of IUDs. My siblings have kids. I’m nice to them and hope for good things for them but I have zero desire to be the fun Auntie who is uber involved.
I’m 49 and my wife is 53. We retired early 4 years ago and never once regretted being childless. She loves being an aunt to all our nieces/nephews.
We love our freedom and being able to do whatever we want, when we want. Someone once told me they thought I’d be a great dad – which may be true – but I’ve never wanted to be one.
I hate that these questions always assume that I had a choice. I wanted kids, couldn’t make it happen. Now I have to spend the rest of my life feeling grief that I’m alone.
I am almost 52..and I was one of those career minded women who did not want a child- ever. Then I met my husband, and I did a 180. I wanted a child and we had so much love and support to give. Our daughter is 11 now and the center of our universe. I can’t imagine my life without her. She has enriched it in every single way. I think about being childless and that career-minded woman I once was and I don’t recognize her
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Deciding whether or not to have children is one of life’s biggest decisions. And rightly so, because such a seemingly small addition to the family changes a lot. Suddenly, your identity switches to that of a parent, your responsibilities multiply, and you find out the hard way that babies don’t have kneecaps.
Not wanting such a life for themselves, some people decide not to have children at all. And that’s fine, too. Others are just curious about what their day-to-day looks like without little ones running around all the time.
One of them was redditor NetworkOver7742, who was so intrigued that they even started an online discussion about it. And childless couples had a lot to say, with almost 4K of them sharing their experiences. Below, you’ll find the most popular ones that will give you an insightful look into what it’s really like to not have children.
Image credits: NetworkOver7742
My wife and I decided not to have children.
We go out for dinner a lot.
If we had kids I think we'd be divorced. We have overcome a lot and it took 100% of ourselves at times to accomplish. If we had also been parents at the time I don't think we would have made it.
Zero regrets. Travel, fun, work, friends, fun hobbies, lots of money I didn't have to spend on kids. And to those who say who's going to take care of you when you're old: I find it disgusting that you had kids expecting them to waste their lives taking care of you.
There are many reasons why people voluntarily choose not to have babies of their own. An article by The Upshot revealed that the main ones were the need for more free time, finding a partner, and not being able to afford childcare. Some couples don’t have the desire to have kids at all and would rather focus on their careers and spend time traveling.
There’s also a feeling of discomfort about bringing kids into a potentially crumbling environment. Children (i.e. more people) require resources and create pollution and waste. People who are aware of this are choosing not to add to the environmental impact.
My partner and I have the freedom and the life we wanted. We can travel whenever we want, save money, sleep in, have late nights out. Parenting was never something either of us wanted and looking at the state of things all over the world, we're extremely happy with our decision.
Thank goodness we don't have any. Life is hard as hell. We'd probably be homeless now if we had the extra financial burden of children.
Some of us don't end up rolling on piles of money. Some of us are just celebrating that we're not financially underwater as we would have been if kids were in the picture.
55 here. Not for a microsecond do I regret not having children.
I am happily married with a healthy, frequent sex life. (Married 25+ years, first-and-only husband.)
We're comfortable with dual incomes. We live in a house we love in a place we love. We have time and funds for hobbies. We have great family and friends. And dogs. And cats. And horses.
Nah, I don't regret it AT ALL.
Also, those who’ve experienced trauma, mental illnesses, or have genetic diseases would rather avoid the risk of passing any of this pain to their offspring. Individuals who lived through, for example, neglect, abuse, and abandonment don’t feel equipped to raise a child and don’t want their kids to suffer the consequences.
Maybe 10% regret, 90% not. These big life decisions generally aren't all-or-nothing.
I have a lot of anxiety, and kids pick up 9n that. I wouldn't want to burden a child with coping with my anxiety, on top of just learning how to be a human, which is hard enough already.
Researcher Bronwyn Harman has found that the majority of child-free people are happy they never had kids because of the freedom it gives them. It’s evident in the people’s responses, as well, that they were satisfied and didn’t regret their decision. A couple who have been together for 32 years and counting say they wouldn’t change a thing. However, one issue that they face is finding more people to meet up with, as everyone around them seems busy and tired of raising children.
I'm 42, single. I have more money for my dogs which is nice.
My mom hounded me about having kids while I was still a kid. I've always been child free but my mom would negate my opinions saying I'd change my mind or "who will take care of you when you're old?" It finally got to a point where she told me I was selfish for not giving her grandchildren. It just added into my decision to go no contact with her.
So I guess that whole "who will take care of you when you get old" idea is moot.
We regret it profoundly. In retrospect we could have done it easily and well. And both of us come from varied backgrounds and know plenty of couples who have had good and bad experiences, but the bad experiences are very few while the good are considerably good. So, yeah, life mistake and too late for both of us to do anything about it.
Despite more and more couples deciding against having kids, they still feel like they have to constantly explain themselves to others. They’re often seen as selfish and are told they’ll regret their decision when they get older and find themselves alone. But child-free people think a lot about it, in some cases even more than those who have them. So, it’s completely their choice to do what they want, and they shouldn’t have to explain themselves to anyone who questions it.
I wouldn’t say regret it. I have medical conditions that make having a biological child impossible, we also met and married later in life. My husband is a few years younger than me. We have come to accept and enjoy being the “fun” auntie and uncle, but honestly sometimes it wonder if my husband regrets not having children of his own and me for not being able to give them to him, he never has said anything to make me feel that, but I can’t help but wonder
Pretty good! I’ve always known I wasn’t a mothering type and I met my partner in highschool and he had the same feelings. We’ve never changed our minds and we are going on 22 years together. We live a full life, eat out heaps, go to concerts, the theatre, holidays, we have so much freedom it’s insane. We nurture our hobbies, and sleep in a lot. All of our friends have kids and complain constantly about how hard it is, how exhausted they are and how much money it’s costing them. No regrets on our side.
Not over 40 yet, but getting there. So far, life is brilliant. We know several parents, and at least a few of them look like they have very happy lives with children. So I don't think a life with children would have necessarily turned out miserable. But that would have been a different kind of happiness, and we are content with our own version.
The most important difference is that we are not obsessed with making more money or living at a particular standard to make our children happy. A few of our upper middle class friends send their children to private schools where annual vacations abroad are the norm for their peers. The pressure of keeping up with the Joneses to make their children happy is enormous. We know that there is nobody after us. We only need to save for a comfortable retirement. We are not trying to build trust funds for anyone. The knowledge that we are accountable for our lives alone is very liberating and we are very happy we made that choice.
I've always known that I've never wanted kids, and I'm so happy with that decision. I've never been the maternal type, and the amount of time, work, and money they require just seems like torture. I love being able to travel the world at a moment's notice, and I love having time for my interests, hobbies, sleep, etc. When I talk to my friends that have kids they all seem so tired and depressed and they struggle with their loss of self.
23 year old chiming in to say it's very relieving and validating to read all your responses. I don't want children and never have, but I'm at that age where everyone swears I'm gonna change my mind and it's frustrating. You're all living proof I can, and will, be happy without children.
It is the absolute best. Last night, on a weeknight, we went out for Mexican and had a couple of cocktails. Walked home, very slightly toasted and had an amazing night. We were able to do that and so many other things because we have cats, not kids.
I am the eldest of five children, with terrible parents. Plus, most of my siblings chose to have children. I know exactly what I'm missing and I am honestly happy about it every single day. I have the utmost respect for parents because I know how hard it is - you basically go without sleep for years, you sacrifice all your money and free time, and your body (as a woman) often suffers major changes that you may not have been prepared for, some of which are permanently harmful.
It hurts like hell that I can’t have children. But I’m beginning to accept it’s for the best. Both of us have depression. I have anxiety, ADHD. I fight every day to do basics for myself. My partner does too. We should not bring a child into this world like this. So we work together to help each other and just be the best Aunt and Uncle we can. I grieve for my unborn children but I know it’s for the best.
There are times that I envy my brothers and sisters for having kids. But those quickly vanish when I see the tantrums and sass and anti- social moments from my many nephews of various ages. It took me years to learn patience to be a good dog parent. Last thing I want is to screw up another human’s life by not being a good parent.
We don’t have the “piles of money” that people joke about, but we have been fortunate. We have good jobs, a house and opportunities to travel, but debt is a b***h and homeownership can quickly put you there, like it has us. Lots of things to fix and replace, but it’s ours and we can make it better. We almost weren’t going to be able to celebrate our 10 year anniversary with a vacation were it not for the kindness and generosity of others.
All in all, I don’t regret the decision to not have kids. We are just finding other ways to make our lives fuller.
Somewhat. Had our first child mid 30's but he passed at birth. Tried after but heart just wasn't in it. Regret it somewhat but I do like my life the way it is and I know if we had a child it would be way different.
We’ve been together for 19 years and didn’t want children for most of that time. But, once we had achieved career success, a stable home, and exhausted our wanderlust, we changed our minds and want children. We started looking toward our older years and realized how much we value family. We don’t want to limp toward the end of life just watching our family die off one by one, grandparents, aunts/uncles, parents… without a next generation we feel life will become lonely. We’re at the tail end of the reproductive window and have struggled with infertility for 2 years. We’re hoping we can conceive, but if that doesn’t happen, we’re looking into foster parenting. We’re “too old” for private infant adoption, we’re told.
I just turned 40, but my wife is under 40 so we get partial credit I guess. For my 40th she redid one of the rooms in the new place we just moved to into my own private nerdy game room getaway. She went all out! It’s absolutely insane, and she is still waiting for a few more things to be available/delivered! So for us, at least, it’s going pretty f*****g great right now!
Our life has turned out very well. We've been able to travel and have several once-in-a-lifetime experiences that we would never have been able to afford otherwise, I've been able to focus on my career and start a business that would have been too financially risky if I had children. Neither of us have regretted being childfree for a moment.
We're not 40 yet (we'll be 38 this year) but we do regret not having any, and it's not for lack of trying, believe me. I somehow just never got pregnant. It's probably too late now, so we just have to accept the fact that we won't have any. It's not all bad though, as our siblings on both sides have plenty of kids, and we're always surrounded by family.
On the plus side (if you can call it that), we do have a shitload of money and time to do what we want when we want. My husband wants to travel more and maybe get a boat and an rv when we get to our 40s, so we'll probably do that
My husband and I turned 40 late last year. We are childless not by choice. It is by far the worst thing I have ever experienced. But we're trying to figure out how to live with it because there's really no alternative.
We wanted to have one child. IVF didn’t work.
We’re okay being childless. We have each other.
That’s what counts.
And we still have nieces and nephews.
Life has filled us! Although we don't have children, we value freedom and pay attention to our relationships. No regrets, just different priorities and a lot of joy.
I wouldn’t say we regret it but I was diagnosed with breast cancer last month and this shifted our thinking about children. My husband wanted to look into pregnancy after my treatment but, unfortunately, it’s not recommended because of the meds I’ll be on for five years to prevent recurrence.
I will say that most people don’t regret having kids. They may regret not having them though. That said, kids are not for everyone. And my husband and I are probably closer and less stressed because we chose not to have them.
EXTREMELY happy.
Went back and forth on the subject for years, finally made the decision to get a vasectomy a few years ago. I'm 44, she's 40. My work is fully remote, anywhere in the world. We have a paid off flat but spend our time traveling house and pet sitting (in other words, no mortgage or rent or hotel costs to travel). Last year we spent a month in Hawaii, two months in L.A., a few months in New Orleans, a few months in Budapest, a month on a cruise ship (the only month we actually paid to live somewhere), and hopped around the rest of the time.
If you're debating this, PLEASE consider your own mental health over the pressure you may be feeling from family, society, etc. Kids are awesome, and you'll obviously be happy if you have them. BUT, I can't think of a single parent I know that's not just exhausted all the time, complaining about never having money, and just in overall bad physical and mental health. Clearly it's worth it for them, and there are most likely parents that aren't always so tired/stressed, but spend as much time as possible weighing all of the things you'll give up for that "unconditional love" feeling you always hear about.
Being child free is one of the best decisions I ever made! My life is untethered and I’m free to do whatever I want without guilt or sacrificing something.
There are a lot of people who had kids and now resent them. They won’t admit it but a lot of people wish they didn’t have kids or they regret who their co-parent is.
Childless or childfree?
Big difference!
Childfree here and zero regrets. Our time is ours and we have a strong and healthy marriage.
I have not wanted children since I was 18 and I never changed my mind. The only type of parent to be is dog mom. I got my tubes removed recently after years of IUDs. My siblings have kids. I'm nice to them and hope for good things for them but I have zero desire to be the fun Auntie who is uber involved.
I’m 49 and my wife is 53. We retired early 4 years ago and never once regretted being childless. She loves being an aunt to all our nieces/nephews.
We love our freedom and being able to do whatever we want, when we want. Someone once told me they thought I’d be a great dad - which may be true - but I’ve never wanted to be one.
I hate that these questions always assume that I had a choice. I wanted kids, couldn’t make it happen. Now I have to spend the rest of my life feeling grief that I’m alone.
I am almost 52..and I was one of those career minded women who did not want a child- ever. Then I met my husband, and I did a 180. I wanted a child and we had so much love and support to give. Our daughter is 11 now and the center of our universe. I can’t imagine my life without her. She has enriched it in every single way. I think about being childless and that career-minded woman I once was and I don’t recognize her
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