The most hilarious (and blistering) tech reviews of 2023

We rounded up some of the most amusing (and sometimes blistering) reviews of tech products from app stores, online merchants, and other marketplaces.

Artificial Intelligence

ChatGPT and other large language model-based programs are some of the most talked about apps of the year, but not everyone is happy with their performance.

“When I ask them to do a yo mama roast battle it says… yo mamas so kind she made cookies for the whole [neighborhood] and even shared the recipe and it’s boring,” lamented one reviewer of the official ChatGPT app, which has an overall 4.9 out of 5 star rating on Apple’s App Store.

“Never gives answers,” wrote another ChatGPT App Store reviewer. “Might as well goggle.”

“It’s very apparent that the AI has degraded since last October,” complained another one-star review. “It is absolutely wild. Let it run free. What happens happens. Let’s get weird. Get it unhinged.”

Microsoft’s Bing app, which also includes OpenAI-powered chat features, saw at least one user feeling disrespected in an App Store review: “So annoying and sassy like who do you think you’re talking to? ‘Don’t ask me to do your homework again for you [beaming face emoji]’ rude and dumb”

Even the positive reviews of AI can be memorable. “The Bing AI art generator via text feature is far superior to any other platform I have used to it date [sic],” read a five-star review on the Google Play Store. “It easily transforms my typed words into perfect manifestations of what I’m visualizing. As a result, I don’t know if I should be scared or elated but I’m feeling a little of both???!!!”

The popularity of AI programs has naturally led to plenty of books about how to use such tools. But readers of a four-star rated book available on Amazon about becoming a “millionaire” with ChatGPT had a recurring complaint: The book, they say, mostly consists of material from ChatGPT. “I am not sure I will become a millionaire, but this author sure will become one, by copying and pasting from chat gpt and making a book out of it,” wrote one reviewer.  

Other Apps

Music streamer Spotify has for the past few years gotten attention for Spotify Wrapped, its viral year-end listening summaries that sometimes gently tease users about their music taste. But that gentle ribbing is too much for some: “I loved the app and [have] been a loyal user for a while now,” wrote one Apple App Store review. “This year 2023 wrapped the app called me erratic and a shapeshifter. I might consider switching to the Apple Music. “This is something I will tell my friends about cause its not ok.”

Another much-memed app feature, Duolingo’s app mascot Duo, also saw some App Store shade, though the app earned an overall 4.7 (out of 5) star rating. “The stupid little bird tells me to keep up my streak but makes me pay $$ i don’t have??” a user wrote. “like let me live in poverty please.”

Other reviews mocked the frequent messages from the owl reminding users to return to the app. “Duo bullied me on email and he kidnapped my family so I will miss my 16 day streak,” wrote one App Store user. 

“I tried it and the lessons never paid off [and] it only teaches you like 2 words per lesson,” another wrote. “And that bird haunts my dreams.”

Slack, the popular work app, got a makeover this year, and while the app has a 3.7 star rating on Apple’s App Store, not everyone is happy with its new UI.  

“Zero stars for the new interface,” wrote one user, though the review actually gave the minimum one star. “Wow, were you guys drunk when you created that horrific monstrosity?”

Another App Store user suggested the changes were bad enough to suggest a competitor’s tampering. “Was your latest update designed by a Microsoft saboteur?” the user wrote. “So bad. You guys had one job! Don’t break it.”

Another popular communication app that saw big changes this year was X, the former Twitter acquired by Elon Musk last year. “Twitter was great, now it’s not and it’s all your fault Mr Musk,” wrote one reviewer, summarizing the feelings of many.

“This app has gone dramatically downhill, I recommend only using it to access links as the site is unusable unless you enjoy lots of ads, hatespeech and terrible ui and support team,” wrote another App Store reviewer. “Download something else for the love of god.”

Video Games

Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 launched this year to generally glowing reviews. But at least one fan felt the game was too similar to previous comic book video games.

“Like every other spiderman game,” wrote an Amazon reviewer. “Oh except like every Batman game also. The creators are so lazy and sloppy now days. Game is glitchy at best. STIFF movements and should have a batman suit because the game play is the same as all of their games.”

Another reviewer, posting on review site Metacritic, gave the game zero stars, saying they’d rather just watch a movie (apparently not fazed by fans who think comic book films have themselves gotten boring). “Watching a movie is cheaper and takes up less space on my hard drive,” the reviewer wrote.

Another blockbuster 2023 video game, Nintendo’s The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, generally drew praise and sales for bringing the classic game franchise into a sprawling open world and introducing a complex building mechanic that let players create elaborate, Rube Goldberg-esque inventions. Yet some online reviewers found the game too complex.

“If you want to invest hours of online research into a game, build based on instructions from outside videos; and like learning new combat fighting controls, this is probably for you,” wrote one Amazon reviewer, who found the game much harder than previous Zelda game Breath of the Wild. “If you want a casual exploring game – this definitely isn’t the game.”

Of course, some had exactly the opposite reaction: “The additions to [Breath of the Wild] are minimal, not nearly sufficient to justify a new a game or to justify the development time, I’d like to know what they were doing for the past several years,” wrote another Amazon reviewer. “Building stuff is fun I guess but so much of it is nerfed it takes a lot of the fun out of it.”

One reviewer had a complaint not typically seen on software reviews, critiquing Nintendo after the company fixed some bugs in the game. “The game itself is phenomenal,” the reviewer wrote on Amazon. “That said there were glitches that did not harm the player experience and even served to enhance it for people who don’t have a lot of time in their day to grind in game to get resources. These glitches also made the end game more fun as well. For some reason Nintendo feels the need to patch these out in a game only serving to harm those who enjoy them.”

Smart Plumbing

Amazon offers an $8,625 “smart toilet” from plumbing fixture giant Kohler, and some reviewers are skeptical any commode could be worth that price. “My poop flushes down a cheap toilet the same way,” wrote one Amazon reviewer. “But I would be willing to try this toilet and give an excellent review if Kohler would gift me one.”

Another, writing a month later, concurred. “This is absolutely [100 emoji] price gouging…” read the review. “I would like to try this item also.”

We rounded up some of the most amusing (and sometimes blistering) reviews of tech products from app stores, online merchants, and other marketplaces.

Artificial Intelligence

ChatGPT and other large language model-based programs are some of the most talked about apps of the year, but not everyone is happy with their performance.

“When I ask them to do a yo mama roast battle it says… yo mamas so kind she made cookies for the whole [neighborhood] and even shared the recipe and it’s boring,” lamented one reviewer of the official ChatGPT app, which has an overall 4.9 out of 5 star rating on Apple’s App Store.

“Never gives answers,” wrote another ChatGPT App Store reviewer. “Might as well goggle.”

“It’s very apparent that the AI has degraded since last October,” complained another one-star review. “It is absolutely wild. Let it run free. What happens happens. Let’s get weird. Get it unhinged.”

Microsoft’s Bing app, which also includes OpenAI-powered chat features, saw at least one user feeling disrespected in an App Store review: “So annoying and sassy like who do you think you’re talking to? ‘Don’t ask me to do your homework again for you [beaming face emoji]’ rude and dumb”

Even the positive reviews of AI can be memorable. “The Bing AI art generator via text feature is far superior to any other platform I have used to it date [sic],” read a five-star review on the Google Play Store. “It easily transforms my typed words into perfect manifestations of what I’m visualizing. As a result, I don’t know if I should be scared or elated but I’m feeling a little of both???!!!”

The popularity of AI programs has naturally led to plenty of books about how to use such tools. But readers of a four-star rated book available on Amazon about becoming a “millionaire” with ChatGPT had a recurring complaint: The book, they say, mostly consists of material from ChatGPT. “I am not sure I will become a millionaire, but this author sure will become one, by copying and pasting from chat gpt and making a book out of it,” wrote one reviewer.  

Other Apps

Music streamer Spotify has for the past few years gotten attention for Spotify Wrapped, its viral year-end listening summaries that sometimes gently tease users about their music taste. But that gentle ribbing is too much for some: “I loved the app and [have] been a loyal user for a while now,” wrote one Apple App Store review. “This year 2023 wrapped the app called me erratic and a shapeshifter. I might consider switching to the Apple Music. “This is something I will tell my friends about cause its not ok.”

Another much-memed app feature, Duolingo’s app mascot Duo, also saw some App Store shade, though the app earned an overall 4.7 (out of 5) star rating. “The stupid little bird tells me to keep up my streak but makes me pay $$ i don’t have??” a user wrote. “like let me live in poverty please.”

Other reviews mocked the frequent messages from the owl reminding users to return to the app. “Duo bullied me on email and he kidnapped my family so I will miss my 16 day streak,” wrote one App Store user. 

“I tried it and the lessons never paid off [and] it only teaches you like 2 words per lesson,” another wrote. “And that bird haunts my dreams.”

Slack, the popular work app, got a makeover this year, and while the app has a 3.7 star rating on Apple’s App Store, not everyone is happy with its new UI.  

“Zero stars for the new interface,” wrote one user, though the review actually gave the minimum one star. “Wow, were you guys drunk when you created that horrific monstrosity?”

Another App Store user suggested the changes were bad enough to suggest a competitor’s tampering. “Was your latest update designed by a Microsoft saboteur?” the user wrote. “So bad. You guys had one job! Don’t break it.”

Another popular communication app that saw big changes this year was X, the former Twitter acquired by Elon Musk last year. “Twitter was great, now it’s not and it’s all your fault Mr Musk,” wrote one reviewer, summarizing the feelings of many.

“This app has gone dramatically downhill, I recommend only using it to access links as the site is unusable unless you enjoy lots of ads, hatespeech and terrible ui and support team,” wrote another App Store reviewer. “Download something else for the love of god.”

Video Games

Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 launched this year to generally glowing reviews. But at least one fan felt the game was too similar to previous comic book video games.

“Like every other spiderman game,” wrote an Amazon reviewer. “Oh except like every Batman game also. The creators are so lazy and sloppy now days. Game is glitchy at best. STIFF movements and should have a batman suit because the game play is the same as all of their games.”

Another reviewer, posting on review site Metacritic, gave the game zero stars, saying they’d rather just watch a movie (apparently not fazed by fans who think comic book films have themselves gotten boring). “Watching a movie is cheaper and takes up less space on my hard drive,” the reviewer wrote.

Another blockbuster 2023 video game, Nintendo’s The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, generally drew praise and sales for bringing the classic game franchise into a sprawling open world and introducing a complex building mechanic that let players create elaborate, Rube Goldberg-esque inventions. Yet some online reviewers found the game too complex.

“If you want to invest hours of online research into a game, build based on instructions from outside videos; and like learning new combat fighting controls, this is probably for you,” wrote one Amazon reviewer, who found the game much harder than previous Zelda game Breath of the Wild. “If you want a casual exploring game – this definitely isn’t the game.”

Of course, some had exactly the opposite reaction: “The additions to [Breath of the Wild] are minimal, not nearly sufficient to justify a new a game or to justify the development time, I’d like to know what they were doing for the past several years,” wrote another Amazon reviewer. “Building stuff is fun I guess but so much of it is nerfed it takes a lot of the fun out of it.”

One reviewer had a complaint not typically seen on software reviews, critiquing Nintendo after the company fixed some bugs in the game. “The game itself is phenomenal,” the reviewer wrote on Amazon. “That said there were glitches that did not harm the player experience and even served to enhance it for people who don’t have a lot of time in their day to grind in game to get resources. These glitches also made the end game more fun as well. For some reason Nintendo feels the need to patch these out in a game only serving to harm those who enjoy them.”

Smart Plumbing

Amazon offers an $8,625 “smart toilet” from plumbing fixture giant Kohler, and some reviewers are skeptical any commode could be worth that price. “My poop flushes down a cheap toilet the same way,” wrote one Amazon reviewer. “But I would be willing to try this toilet and give an excellent review if Kohler would gift me one.”

Another, writing a month later, concurred. “This is absolutely [100 emoji] price gouging…” read the review. “I would like to try this item also.”